On the subway MMOC (minding my own commute) and glance up when the top three inches of a very colorful pair of boxer briefs under white ripped jeans come into view interrupting my crossword puzzle.
These are worn by a man who certainly is AARP if not Social Security eligible. I’m serious.
[Me internally – you must be kidding why?]
He (with happiness): Hi
Me (with caution): Hello.
He (with hope): You’re pretty.
[Me internally – I haven’t had coffee to deal with this ish, whyy?]
Me (with patience): Thank you.
I immediately go back to my crossword but I’m partially blinded by the colors in my peripheral and I cannot begin to expound upon how chagrinned that makes me.
He (throat clearing): Hey.
Me (eyebrow arching): Yes?
He (with hope): Can I get your digits?
[Me internally – Digits? DIGITS?? Oh surely you jest! Whyyy?]
(I find out why in a moment, but he looks at me and takes a step back; which was impressive given it is morning crush hour.)
Me (with disdainful): Let me be blunt. I can’t get down with a man who chooses to not keep his pants up. If I wear my trousers as yours I’m a slag. But you approaching a woman thusly is acceptable? Au contraire! I do hope the next station is yours.
He (with surprise): Damn you cold.
Me (with saccharine): Antarctic and dropping.
(There are some who will read this and chuckle getting the extra meaning – you’re welcome.)
I don’t know if the next station was his or not, but he left my sight. That was all I wanted.
Man Sitting Next To Me (shaking his head with mirth): You didn’t have to be so mean. The way your face went evil if looks could truly kill brotha would be a problem for the cleaning crew. Why you do him like that?
[Me internally – Oh Really?]
Me (turning my head with attitude): I had to be how I had to be. My face is my face. And what makes you think your opinion of such worth to voice it?
MSNTS (affronted): Fuck you.
[Me mentally switching dictionaries: Oxford > Urban]
Me (amused): Base language notwithstanding, sentiment fully reciprocated.
MSNTS (getting mad): You looked like you were a nice one until you opened your mouth.
Me (getting even): And your appearance likewise implied intelligence until your utterances indicated otherwise proving the adage of deceptive miens. . I can explicate, but conversational cessation would be preferred.
MSNTM moved as though he was about to do something. I didn’t even think about it as I started reaching for an earring (I flow between vivacious and voracious several times daily.)
Different Man Standing In Front of us who witnessed both exchanges: Bruh, stop. The way she just code switched on you like that? You ain’t possibly topping her, leave she be. Cause if I think you even thinkin’ ‘bout laying hands? Imma haveta take my earrings out along with she and none-a us want that this morning.
Me (gratefully): Thank you.
I go back to my crossword.
[Me internally – Why you must have that big ol’ wedding ring on? Whyyyy?]
MSNTM gets off two stations later with a muttered “Bitch.”
I don’t even look up. “Thank you, I resemble that remark.”
“I ain’t scared of you.” DFSIF laughs as he exits a station later.
“That’s ‘cause you scared of your spouse.” I laugh back. “Lucky wretch.”
“Damn right and yes I am.” He winks his goodbye.
And this is all before 7am.
If yesterday was Mad Monday for me (do not ask), today is definitely Takedown Tuesday.
Proceed with caution.
Let’s see how others are taking it down this Tuesday…
Slice of Life Tuesdays
Writing Challenge
Two Writing Teachers
Raivenne-lations 